Feelings as Material
I’ve used the phrase “feelings as material” for over a decade, mostly around my work to help others leverage children’s feelings about their learning process—when things are hard or easy, to be wrong or bored, to listen to an opposing view, to sit in silence and wonder, to rush to be done or let yourself not be done, when you are told (or not told) what to do next. A focus on how the process of learning feels is what allows children to access, from deep inside themselves, who they are and can be as learners. When leveraged, such feelings can become the most important materials in a classroom; they are the “stuff” needed for children to in learning how to learn.
Yet feelings are complicated and tumble around in layers, often nestled inside a web of emotions and masked with stories and fixed beliefs. It takes time to dig deeply into what a child may call “boredom” or an adult may name as “disengagement.” And in the present moment- WOW- it is (and feels) especially challenging because there are sooooo many feelings about sooooo many things, about learning and otherwise.
What are we to do with all of these feelings?
Recognize that this is the work. This is the material. This IS the learning. Feelings about everything are relevant and central to whatever notion of curriculum you hold. Feelings are never separate from anything else. We are whole beings. Separating out social-emotional learning programs or activities to certain times of the day will never support children (or adults) in their wholeness. What we are experiencing right NOW in the world is a gift that is inviting (or shaking) us awake. Focusing on feelings isn’t special SEL work for this year until we “go back to normal.” That is old thinking. Release it. We are creating the future now. Engagement of whole human beings full of feelings about learning (and everything else) is always the work.
Notice and love ourselves. Adults who care for children need to learn how to notice their own feelings and how these impact what they say and do. And they need to learn how (and be nurtured) to love themselves. This isn’t frivolous or extra-curricular or something we “expect” people to do on their own before they become a parent or educator. Nurturing self-love is essential practice and must be foundational for all members of any organization, especially those focused on children’s care and learning. You can’t support children to process and express feelings in healthy ways without educators and families who do.
Embed essential holistic practices into every day.
Here are my six top recommendations for daily practice. I have more, but these are a beautiful place to start and approachable for any school, out-of-school, or home setting. None of these is new and some are practices many of you incorporate already, although likely not all six every day. Imagine what would happen if all children were nurtured with these six practices every day in their classrooms, informal learning spaces, and homes. Imagine if all caregivers were nurtured with these practices, too.
Engagement of whole human beings full of feelings is always the work.
What is a material?
A material is something to talk about, think about, engage with. It can be something to touch like a cardboard tube, button, or wooden blocks. Or something that can’t be touched but can be seen in some way, like light or vibrations of sound. Material can also be something that can’t be touched or seen, like thoughts or feelings.
This post has nothing to do with my cat, but Willow sure is good at reminding me to slow down, appreciate, feel whatever I need to feel, and play!
1. Nothing.
Silence (or gentle music without lyrics) and no other materials. Start with ten minutes, work up to longer. Practice how to be in silence with nothing to do but be. This isn’t a time for a yoga video, mindfulness audio, or any formulated external stimuli. This is time for NOTHING but sitting with yourself. A space to learn to be with feelings and thoughts without avoiding them or covering them up or numbing them. This is essential practice for healing trauma and moving towards acceptance of our wholeness. (Do this yourself at the same time and in the same room/place as children.)
2. Small object noticing.
One small object and an invitation to notice. Start with five minutes, work up to twenty. What happens in this practice will grow over time. It may be mostly quiet, but some children may talk aloud. Eventually there may be drawing, but not at first. Reflective conversation after noticing is helpful. What do you notice? What do you wonder? What did you find? What did you daydream? What did you talk about to yourself? What else? The key to this is one small object and nothing else. No direction of what to do with the object. Let it be. Children will bring themselves to their noticing—their interests, dispositions, feelings, thoughts, etc. What they do and say will allow you to notice more in them. (Your job is to allow and notice children’s noticing.)
3. Visual expression.
Encourage visual expression of feelings. One crayon and a piece of paper is a good way to begin. Maybe two crayons. A marker. Eventually, some watercolors. Clump of clay. A pipe cleaner. Piece of string. It can be helpful to start by asking children to draw what they hear in music as a concrete way to learn how to “show” what is “abstract.” The key is for children to express a feeling or thought visually without making it look like a “thing” or a set “story.” (They aren’t drawing a picture about a time they felt sad or mad; this is to allow feelings to become less fixed.) Expressions may come out in various forms of shape, line, texture, movement, color, size, perspective, balance, but the focus is on expression… the aliveness of feelings… letting them be what they want to be in a moment so children can express what they need to say beyond words. This teaches children that this language and way of knowing is valid and expands how they can access and process feelings on their own. Game changer! (You might sometimes share and talk afterwards, but the key is to allow 5-10 minutes of open-ended visual expression as daily practice to build this essential language outside of words.)
4. Movement expression.
Following the same premise as visual expression, but with the body as material. This is not meant to replace other kinds of physical activity on the playground or through games and sport. Movement for expressing feelings is complementary. Ask children to make body shapes that show various feelings and sensations… heavy, excited, mad, loose, hot, jealous, worried, tight, bubbling, empty, other. Find words that are typical feeling words and words that aren’t used often to describe feelings. Ask children to move in open-ended ways: Listen to your body. Move however it wants. What is your body telling you? Play different kinds of non-lyric music with various rhythms, tones, and styles. Again, this is about expressing and releasing, not telling a fixed story about a feeling. The movement helps children experience the fluidity of feelings, how they shift and change, and how they are separate from them and don’t control them; children have their own authenticity and agency. (You might want to pair visual and movement expression on some days; ask children to move their feelings, then draw them or draw first, then move inspired from what they drew.)
5. Appreciation of a moment.
Practice this out loud, collectively at first. Eventually everyone will be able to do it in their minds on their own. Simply stop in the middle of something you are doing. Say: Let’s pause. Let’s notice what is here right now. Maybe things like: I am breathing in and out. There is a truck outside. I hear some birds. I see Renata’s yellow sweater. We have a plant on the windowsill. I have an apple in my pocket. We are learning how to count by 5s. Our new book is on the reading chair. The point is simply to notice the immediate moment and describe it. That’s it. This is a foundational building block for appreciation and teaches children how they have agency to expand beauty by noticing it. (The hardest part is remembering to do this in the middle of a busy day. Maybe set a timer. The more you do it, the easier it gets to remember. You might also make this a classroom job, someone to jump up one time during the day and exclaim: “Let’s notice this moment!” You know the child who’d be good at remembering that job.)
6. Nature.
We know going outside is important. Being with plants and animals, too. Continue to have children go outside and play, hike, climb, build, etc. And… add in a few moments to BE with nature. Start with five minutes before or after play, ask children to find a place to sit. Say: Let yourself stay where you are. Sit and breathe and be. Look down or up, small or big. Maybe close your eyes. Feel into where you are, what the trees know, what the birds have to say. Wonder about the worms and beetles. Let yourself feel your connection with nature. You are nature, too. This is a small thing, and it is everything. By asking children to stop and BE with nature (before or after other kinds of activities outside) you are teaching them how nature is always here for them, always part of them. They always belong exactly where they are and all they need to do is pause and take it in. (Do this alongside children so you remember you belong, too.)
I would be delighted to hear from you if you try out these six practices inside your days with children (as a parent, educator, or any other role). And I’d be delighted to hear if you practice them for yourself. They matter. You matter, too.
love and light, Melissa
